Earl of Sutherland: 1st Decree

Here's a shitty story with unfunny links:

After experimenting with various drugs and hipster subcultures, I contracted the AIDs version of my impacted wisdom teeth being pulled out on time. I pulled out of NYU per recommendation of my Jewish dean and Jewish surgeon. I decided afterwards that I should figure out the rest of my life before I drink and smoke myself into oblivion like the rest of America. So I come back to Gloustah (click Gloucester and check the 4th incident). Instead of figuring out my life, I went to IKEA and decided I didn't want to sleep next to shit & piss of Mr. Jitters. Here is the story of what happened in my room. I still plan on drinking and smoking myself to oblivion.

Before:

(smells of canine urine and feline feces)

Multiple legos and leftover roaches were found on site.

Remarkable Discovery of Aged Hennessey Bottle:
(hidden underneath mattress since last summer. Left permanent imprint on the box-spring)

(Removal of two sizable fist-holes)

Summary of Job: New mahogany floors, and trim, Repainted: walls, trim, door, window, and the closet, Bought: IKEA Bed frame, Desk, Dresser, 2 Tables, Closet Organizer, and Window Blinds

After:

Looking for further purchases: Art, Mini-Fridge, Sword/Bow wall-mount, tamed lion, and maybe some blow.

 ok. so yeah. I can finally jerk off in style...